Would You Rather Be Right Than Happy?

9010Rule3OK. How about 10% right and 90% happy? Would that work for you?

So, here’s how you do it.

Take any one of your victim stories – and don’t tell me you don’t have one – and subject it to the following analysis.

Be vigorous in discerning how much of the story is fact and how much of it is everything you have added in the way of your subjective interpretations of what happened.

What you will find is that your victim story comprises approximately 10% factual information and 90% interpretation, most of that being of an extremely negative nature.

This, in turn, leads to you feeling very unhappy (i.e. 90% right but only 10% happy).

This is not good. What we need to do is find a way to reverse that ratio.

Without a doubt, it is necessary and normal to feel the raw pain associated with what happened. But what we attach to the other 90% is a matter of choice.

Pain is pain, but suffering is optional, and it leads to a lot of unhappiness.

So, what we need to do to obtain a ‘10% right and 90% happy’ ratio is to accept the fact that something unpleasant happened, feel the pain and then dump the other 90% as soon as possible. None of it is true anyway. You just made it up.

Doing this equates to Stage #3 in the 5-stage Radical Forgiveness process: Collapsing the Story. (The first 2 are ‘Telling the Story’ and ‘Feeling the Feelings.’)

So far so good. But, we are still not there yet.

Yes, we will be much happier for having dumped the 90%, but we are still basically attached to the idea that something wrong happened. We still think of ourselves as having been victimized.

True happiness arises only when we progress to Stage #4 in the Radical Forgiveness process. This is where we turn the whole thing around and realize that nothing wrong ever happened.

We let go of being a victim because we realize it was all part of a Divine plan and was supposed to happen that way.

(For more on this, visit www.radicalforgiveness.com. You can experience it yourself if you click ‘Forgive Now,’ on the home and follow the prompts. It will make a believer of you.)

We can even drop the 10% pain we were feeling at the beginning. There’s nothing to be right about anymore. Now we are free to be 100% happy.


Stage #5 is about doing something physical in order to integrate fully the new way of understanding what happened.

Filling in a Radical Forgiveness worksheet is one way. These are free to download from our website. Try it. You’ll be amazed at the result.

Doing some breathwork is another excellent way to fully anchor the new perspective into your body.

So, bottom line – do some Radical Forgiveness work and be happy.


One thought on “Would You Rather Be Right Than Happy?

  1. Reverend Carole Martignacco

    Thank you, Colin. I’m a follower of your Radical Forgiveness program, and use your concepts with the people who come to me for pastoral care or spiritual direction. And being a Unitarian Universalist minister, for the most part it works. However, given the theological range within which I work, statements such as: “We let go of being a victim because we realize it was all part of a Divine plan and was supposed to happen that way” do not work for most people I serve, as it raises issues of theodicy. Changing the language doesn’t work, when this is central to your message. I find myself longing for a more interfaith approach. Is there anyone you know who has adapted your excellent concepts to include those for whom this kind of statement seems dogmatic or fatalistic? Please accept my sincere appreciation for the work you are doing. Thank you for your response.

Comments are closed.