Prince Harry Talks After 28 Years

 

Diana, Princess of Wales, died in a car crash in 1997. Prince Harry was then aged 12.

Now 31, he made an interesting comment on the BBC news last night.

“I regret not talking until three years ago, about my mother’s death and how it had affected me,” he shared. “I’d held it in for 28 years.”

He was hosting an event for a charity called Heads Together which he formed with Prince William and Kate.

Its purpose is to bring together all the leading mental health charities to highlight the fact that anyone, including royalty, can suffer mental health issues. There were celebs there too, many of whom had suffered depression.

My interest was immediately sparked because I had suggested in my book Radical Forgiveness, Making Room for the Miracle, that it was perhaps Diana Spencer’s mission to marry Prince Charles, be cruelly rejected by him, share her pain publically on TV, and then die in a tragic way in order to open the heart chakra of England.

This would allow the Brits to drop their emotional stoicism, become open to feeling their feelings, and sharing them openly with others. I believe she did achieve that, at least for a time.

I find it fascinating, therefore, that both of her sons have chosen to highlight the fact, almost two decades later, that using denial and suppression of one’s emotional pain by refusing to talk about it is a disease in and of itself.

Bravo, I say! When 1 in 5 people in the UK have had to use anti-depressants at some time in their lives just to stay barely functional, something needs to change.

If it takes a princess and two princes of the realm to do it, so much the better.

There’s no question that processing emotional pain simply by talking about it is amazingly therapeutic.

It’s a lot better and much cheaper than suppressing it with alcohol, drugs, medications, and other addictions. It really lightens the load.

However, the kicker is that an entire people having evolved over centuries not talking about their own feelings make lousy listeners.

They tend to be uncomfortable with other peoples’ emotions and subconsciously try to close them down. They drop their eyes. They squirm in their seats. They fidget.

They attempt to hug the person, not so much out of a desire to comfort them, as to stop them expressing their pain.

They are quick to change the subject, shift the conversation to themselves, and come up with suggestions about what the person should do to ‘feel better.’

They find it really hard just to be with the person emoting, saying little or nothing, being present, not intervening, honoring the other person’s feelings and allowing empathy to arise within themselves.

Listening is a skill that we all would do well to give some time to learning so we can really BE with a person who needs to talk. 

It is one of the things we give great emphasis to in our 10-day live training to become a Radical Living Master Coach. We have a module called Active Listening and I am assiduous in assessing our students ability to listen and be totally present for someone.  It is a element they are tested on and have to pass.  That’s how much importance we feel it deserves.

9 thoughts on “Prince Harry Talks After 28 Years

  1. H McKenzie

    As an individual running a charity providing services for elderly people I commend you for writing this article.
    As our elders age families say they lose loved ones sometimes even when they have not passed on; through dementia and other debilitating illnesses. We encourage these family members to express their grief as openly as possible and to understand their are various stages of the grieving process.
    We find this helps them to work through the grief without the decline into mental health when their pain is unexpressed and kept at the forefront.
    I extend my thanks for this article again which gives a good insight into opening up rather than ‘shutting down’.

  2. Wanda

    You can’t imagine how much this resonates with me and how much better I feel now, because of this message. Just before reading this I talked about my feelings to someone and the reaction was a suggestion what I should do next time. I did regret that I talked about my feelings.
    Now I know that that person’s reaction was because he is uncomfortable with (my) emotions and subconsciously tries to close them down. “They find it really hard just to be with the person emoting, saying little or nothing, being present, not intervening, honoring the other person’s feelings and allowing empathy to arise within themselves.” This sentence feels so true that it is liberating. So when I was a child,my parents reacted like the person today, I decided back then, subconsciously, that my feelings didn’t matter, were bad. So I was bad and unlovable. “Listening is a skill that we all would do well to give some time to learning so we can really BE with a person who needs to talk.” I love this sentence too. Thank you for this article, from the bottom of my heart.!!!

  3. Gay Purpura

    Colin, I was so happy to get this article, which is a wonderful tribute to your book “Radical Forgiveness”. If I ever publish a book, it would be dedicated to you, because Radical Forgiveness transformed my life and that of many many clients. On Sunday, I ran into a client of RF from at least 13 years ago. She asked if I was still doing RF (yes) and then said “it transformed my life!” with much gratitude. I was deeply touched and wanted to share it with you. There were a few other past clients at this church and they want me to offer it there. Of course I would be delighted to do a Ceremony or book study. And, I agree wholeheartedly with your emphasis on listening. I think I have been successful at RF coaching because I listen with every fibre of my being. Ears, heart, and eyes. So thank you Colin for your tenacity in teaching Radical Forgiveness. Much love, Gay P

  4. Jane Rose

    I am so grateful to read your article and see Prince Harry’s comments. After years of therapy and willingness to go deep, I realize how difficult it was for my Mother, whose was of English, Irish and Scottish stock, to express her feelings. First, I needed to recognize I had feelings, then I learned to label them, and finally to experience them . Forgiveness would have been impossible, because I never could experience nor claim my feelings.

  5. Darcy

    Excellent article, as always and much needed at a time in our national history when it’s even more vital to express and process feelings in a healthy way instead of imploding or exploding (as we see in the news on an almost daily basis).

  6. Diane Folz

    The inability to share or to listen when another shares deep feelings is probably universal. I married into a very German family and found that while they could shout and yell very well, they could not share deeply and could not listen at all. What is said gets reinterpreted, rationalized, anything but heard and respected. The angst for both parties is never resolved. And the facade is always up of being pleasant and “in control”. And the perennial sadness is palpable. Far too many walk this earth in this lonely, depressed state. Reading materials such as you have written make it so much easier to see and to gently be with individuals and offer the mighty gift of “Listening” with the open, present heart.
    Thank you for the wonderful work you do.

  7. Trypheyna

    Colin I have loved your work from the moment I read RF many years ago. Thank you for the grace and wisdom you share with the world. Now that I have written a book of my own ‘The Intimacy of Death and Dying’ and also teach about this subject as part of the Diploma of Energetic healing in Sydney, Aust I always suggest to my students that they get your book as part of their journey of being able to really be there energetically for people at end of life. I love your article and so agree with what you have said. Shutting down emotinally and energetically is so dangerous for us all. E-Motion – Energy in Motion – is meant to travel through us, and inform us, not get lodged inside us and eat away at us making us dis-eased. I love seeing your follow up on that profoundly powerful insight you had about Pricess Di’s death in RF and the awakening of people’s hearts in Britain and now how important Prince Harry’s sharing is. I was priviledged to be in the company of his brother and Kate when they came to visit Bear Cottage Childrens Hospice in Sydney, where I worked as Art Therapist, and witnessed the most incredible listening occur from both of them when they met and spent time with the parents of a little boy, the same age as their own little boy, who had been told their son would not live. Talking about death and dying is vital if we are to understand anything about life. I realised then that their mother Di had passed on something very profound to her boys even though she had left their lives at such a young age. She was brilliant at listening, you could just see it in her eyes, and the eyes of those she spent time with. Thank you Colin for your gentleness and care. Those of us who are blessed to know your work are all the better for it

  8. duch_luver_4ever

    Great to see Harry opening up, of course it was sad a few days later to hear the reason he was quiet about his mother was to avoid upsetting Camilla, who after undermining his mothers marriage from the beginning of the romance stepped into his dead mothers shoes, and Charles, who it would require some radical forgiveness to forgive those two.
    I read your part about Diana’s mission being to go through all this to open Englands heart chakra. I dont know about that, maybe thats so, but as someone who fell in love for the first time, at first sight seeing Diana back in Sept 1980, I’d have much preferred we’d never known her as a famous person, and that she lived a life of peace and love with some nice suitable man and lots of children which she loved so much, without a day of care or worry. Unrealistic, I know, but she just had a way of making you want to drop everything your doing, and make sure she was safe and alright, never seen that quality so strong in anyone else before or since.

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