Not Letting Men Off the Hook

In my last blog, I argued that the victims of sexual harassment by the likes of Harvey Weinstein and all the other men in positions of power and influence who feel entitled to extort sexual favors from women under threat, won’t be free of their victimhood until they forgive their abusers and, by extension, all men who have been complicit in tacitly supporting it.

Let me stress that the kind of forgiveness I was talking about is not letting bygones be bygones, learning to forgive and forget, letting it go, or any other such forms of pseudo forms of forgiveness that get trotted out by those who try to define it.

Neither is it letting the men off the hook for their reprehensible behavior by citing cultural contexts, locker-room talk (as was Trump’s dismissal of his proud claim to grab ‘pu**ies’ whenever he pleased), or any other such ‘trumped up” (sorry) excuses.

No, what I was alluding to was a form of forgiveness which has the effect of not only transforming the consciousness of the individuals by freeing them from thinking of themselves as a victim but one that has the potential to change the very condition that is at the root of the problem. It is what has come to be known as Radical Forgiveness.

It is not a religious concept but is a psycho-spiritual approach that requires we see things both from the human perspective, which is how we see the current situation and the spiritual perspective, which suggests that something is happening at a much deeper level that has a spiritual purpose.

In my previous blog, I intimated that Harvey Weinstein’s soul or higher self had been enrolled with the mission of raising the consciousness of much of the world regarding how women are treated so that this energy can be released and the split between the genders be healed.

As soon as we open to the possibility that this might be the case and that everything is unfolding according to some kind of divine plan and that all the players in this human drama are volunteers at the spiritual level, the accumulated toxic energy is released, and everything changes.

At the moment we are at the first and second of the five stages of Radical Forgiveness: 1. Getting the story out and having it validated. 2. Feeling all the feelings associated with what happened.

Everyone is feeling outraged, which is good. We can’t heal what we don’t feel. It is essential that we don’t skip this stage.

The third stage is where we stand back and try to understand why men do what they do to keep women in their place and exploit them. We try to walk in their shoes for a while and try to bring some humility and compassion to the situation. This is, at best, as far as traditional forgiveness can go. The belief that we are victims remains intact.

The fourth stage is where we open our minds to the possibility that there is a reason why this is happening and that there is a divine purpose behind it, even though we aren’t shown yet what it might be. We just have to be willing to be open to this as a possibility and that, from a spiritual perspective, there is nothing to forgive.

The fifth stage is where we take some physical action like filling in a Radical Forgiveness Worksheet that allows us to express our willingness to entertain that as a possibility. It does not require belief, however. Just being open to it is enough.

Try it for yourself. It’s the only form of proof that counts. Download a free Radical Forgiveness Worksheet from our website and fill it in, whether it makes sense to you or not. If you have experienced being sexually harassed, and a report out today claims that 50% of all women have, do the worksheet on your abuser. If not, do it on Harvey Weinstein.

See what happens.

9 thoughts on “Not Letting Men Off the Hook

  1. S

    I have a better idea. Why don’t you instead address all the perpetrators, all the guilty uncaught perpetrators, all the men who secretly (or blatantly, as in the case of our “president”),glory or support their power to hurt others who can’t hurt them back (“bullies”)…& implore them to change, to “forgive” all the “women” who “hurt” them so that They can heal & act correctly! I’m fed up with only the hurt ones getting this exhortation. By a man now. Shame! Be a real man i.e decent human, & talk to other men.

    1. S

      P.S. first justice, real consequences (deterrents), work with the PERPETRATORS & societal support systems to cover & protect their illegitimate hurting ways. ..let them feel their results, apologize, make reparations….then talk to women.

  2. Susan Forman

    As a sexual assault and domestic violence advocate for a non-profit agency, I assist survivors (women AND men) with this trauma both meeting women at hospitals for forensic exams after sexual assault and advocating for them with resources, emotional support and support in the courtroom. This is an outrageous act that leaves survivors scared and traumatized not only by the act, but then again victimized in the courtroom by both defense attorneys and judges and they’re forced to relive their trauma again and again. These perpetrators walk around, many times with very little consequences; plea bargains that allow the case to be reduced to simple inconvenient charges that allow them to walk out of court feeling no responsibility and assaulting more women. I have seen the complete devastation this brings not only to the survivors but also to their families. These acts are about POWER and CONTROL over another. It is NOT about making the world more aware of devastation. As advocates, we are well aware of the cycle of their abuse.
    We are also aware of WHY they abuse. So we do know the why and how of why it happens. Yes, survivors can come to a place of forgiveness at some point down the road, but when they are consistently retraumatized by the media, court systems and others who have no clue how it humiliates, nullifies one’s personal choice and then affects their ability to have normal, loving sexual interactions with those they CHOOSE to be with for many years after, now affecting their futures, it is difficult to discuss radical forgiveness and mention there’s nothing to forgive them for. I have great respect for you and have worked through your program, understanding from a spiritual perspective what you are teaching. However, it does not take into consideration how trauma such as this affects the brain and how the traumatized brain reacts to situations after these events. The PTSD, the fear of public places, if they have children-they are affected by the responses and reactions from their parents operating out of trauma brain. The devastation left behind is very complex and multidimensional. Restoration can take years – and like traumatic brain injury, the physical trauma that occurs in the brain does not fade away. And while hypnosis and radical forgiveness can lighten the load, help gain new perspectives and pave the way to becoming productive once again, let’s not undermine and/or ignore the widespread scope this sexual assault takes on. It does not just affect the victim; but as mentioned above, also affects the friends and family. The sickness and cruelty of these perpetrators Are known and understood. There is no question as to the pathology of these psychopaths who do not feel a sense of remore or consequences as a result of their actions, and they move from one victim to another, exerting their sick sense of power and control over another. They do not have the capability to feel any sense of responsibility. Victim blaming needs to become a thought form of the past and strick, unwavering consequences that can not be plea bargained down to a mere misdeamor. These survivors are victims of a CRIME. Sexual assault is a crime, pure and simple, and needs to be addressed as such. Again, we do know why these things happen-we know the workings of a perpetrator. There is no question why they become and are perpetrators.

  3. Sharon Albrecht

    I’m a psych nurse and abuse survivor who is thriving now, after many years of therapy and workshops. None of my abuse was violent so I can’t speak to recovery from that kind of abuse. I do believe there was Divine order in all of it for reasons that aren’t important here.
    What I think is important in understanding why men have so much anger and want power and control over women goes back to childhood. Their first experience of being controlled by a woman started when they were totally helpless and dependent. If their mother did not wield her power wisely, if she “Lorded it” over them without sufficient love, this could be where it all started. And so a very important piece of the puzzle is educating women on how to raise sons to be responsible and respectful without demeaning them! Just my not humble opinion. 😊

    1. MC

      I would say, it could be resentment toward a female care-giver. Or, it could just as easily be boys reacting to abuse from men. In my case, my father abused my stepbrother. Then my stepbrother symbolically took his revenge against my dad by abusing me. Never mind that I was innocent in the situation and I well aware that my dad was behaving badly. In my stepbrother’s mind, I was an extension of my father. It was really messed up all around.

  4. Kim C

    I believe in Radical Forgiveness 100%! I’ve experienced these power plays many times throughout my life in various ways, including sexual assault. Of course those assaulted have deep wounds, but, this process is all about looking at the BIGGER picture, observing the situation from a Spiritual Being perspective rather than a human being viewpoint. This isn’t about denying that it happened or condoning this behavior, but, it’s a more spiritual approach to being” open to seeing it with a different perspective”. The Ego wants to hold on and punish, therefore, holding the “victim” captive in their pain. By remaining in victim mentality, that’s where you’ll stay but, when you step in to see that it’s a much larger story and go within to heal and love yourself and eventually forgive those who have hurt you, you will set yourself FREE! It’s actually a gift to yourself and your Soul in this lifetime. I believe that LOVE is the most powerful force in the Universe and through love, we can create miraculous healing for all. Thank you Colin for sharing this beautiful process with us.

  5. DebB

    These are criminal abusive actions, there is nothing divine about them. The divine does not take innocent victims and commit horrid acts against them to enlighten the world of horrid acts.

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