Making the Decision to Stay or Go

Every relationship, no matter how good or bad it seems, is a soul-to-soul transaction, the purpose of which is to facilitate healing, learning, and growth for each other. (It has nothing to do with “living happily ever after.”) Therefore, as soon as we come into a relationship, no matter whether the relationship lasts two minutes or twenty years, we are soul mates for each other.

But how do we gauge how long to stay in the relationship and when is it time to move on? The debate comes down to this: has the relationship achieved its original purpose and run its course, or might there still be more good growth opportunities to be had from staying with it?

In the 1960’s when divorce started to become more acceptable, Susan Gettleman and Janet Markowitz wrote a book called, The Courage to Divorce. It gave people ‘permission’ to make that choice if that’s what they wanted. 

The effect of this relaxing of the rules of engagement, so to speak, has been that people tend now to jump out of marriage very quickly when things get a little difficult and, consequently, miss the opportunity to grow through the pain. Instead of using the relationship to grow, and eventually awaken, they avoid the pain and then have to find someone else with whom to finish off the process. That’s not to say this is wrong (there are no accidents or mistakes), but it does seem to cry out for another book entitled, The Courage NOT to Divorce. Such a book would speak to the above dilemma and would, at least, suggest that people should ask themselves that question.

But, to be honest, the way the question is framed makes it unanswerable. How could we know what Spirit has in store for us in this relationship in the future? And how would we know what would follow if we left? We just don’t know. 

But as we have indicated, one of the advantages of being awake and being in alignment with the Radical Forgiveness paradigm is that we don’t really have to know. We will get guidance on what to do.

However, this doesn’t mean we don’t do anything ourselves in the meantime. If we take the time to make an assessment of the relationship in terms of our expectations, agreements, boundaries, values and the kind of emotional connection we have at this time, we will be more able to align with our guidance and feel good about it when we get it.

Having the spiritual awareness of the true state of our current relationship might give us the opportunity to raise our consciousness and make us think twice before abandoning it. If we left and had to start all over again, our awakening could take a lot longer. After all, it is very unwise to begin a new relationship within a year or two of leaving the last one since you are likely to take a lot of the old energy of the last one into the new one. And that would add a lot of confusion. 

A good approach, then, is to make a serious attempt to look at the relationship you have with clear eyes as far as this is possible and the trust that you will be guided towards making the best decision for all concerned. Who knows, part of the guidance may be to seek the help of someone who can help you make the decision whether to go or stay.

Our Couples in Crisis Workshop is specifically designed to help couples evaluate their relationship and come to a place where they can make that decision and go forward with the interests of all the parties concerned taken into consideration, knowing that Spirit has their backs.

As my gift to you, I have attached an instrument that will help you assess your relationship. I suggest you download two copies. One for yourself and one for your partner. Do them without conferring and then make an appointment to sit down with each other and share them. You might be very surprised. If you don’t have a partner, do it on your ex, or use it to decide what you would want in a relationship going forward. Click here to download your copy.

Whether you decide to separate or stay together, your relationship remains a soul-to-soul transaction, and is still, or has been in the past, an opportunity to expand and grow.

Blessings,

Colin