Is it over? If so, what’s next?

divorceIs it over? If so, what’s next?

The process of expanding into love, as we’ve been covering it for the past several weeks, does not always mean that the relationship continues.

Some couples will find, after one or both of them have awakened and gone through the renegotiating process, that compromise was not possible, or that their relationship has simply run its course and accomplished what it was meant to accomplish.

Nevertheless, the process of just getting to that point may well have expanded your capacity to love, not just love your partner but yourself too. You loved yourself enough to have asserted your need to have a relationship be a certain way, with boundaries established and values declared. You will have recognized that your partner was unable to fulfill your needs and hopefully you were able to love and accept him or her in spite of that, and leave on a good note.

The more we bring an expanded consciousness to the break-up situation, the better it will turn out, and the sooner you will be able to attract a new partner to share your life with, assuming this is something you desire.

If that is the case, I suggest you follow some rules about how to go about attracting a new mate, assuming you haven’t already done so.

The first and most important is to leave a significant amount of time between leaving one relationship and even thinking about creating another.   I think you should avoid relationships for at least 6 months, preferably a year.

No matter how centered and loving the divorce process was, when you leap straight into another relationship, even a casual one, you inevitably take with you all the issues you had in the last relationship.

Another important rule is to make sure you do the Radical Forgiveness and Radical Self-Forgiveness work on all your previous relationships before going into a new one.

If meeting someone else precipitated the breakup of the previous relationship, you still want to be sure you leave a good long time, 6 months or a year, before you move in with each other. (Women beware – men are usually the ones to suggest moving in ASAP. You can guess why.)

You may even want to take a break for a while so you can both spend some time working on yourselves, going through Radical Forgiveness and Radical Self-Forgiveness work so that you have a basis from which to negotiate the new relationship.

Finally, get very clear on your values and boundaries. Also, look at where you would be willing to compromise and where you would not. Identify the deal killers and be sure to stick to your guns on them. Only if you are clear about what you want (and don’t want) in a new relationship will you be able to manifest the relationship that you desire.

Remember, you’ve done the separation game so you don’t need any more of that kind of thing. You deserve a loving and equal relationship.

Blessings,

Colin

P.S. The best way to prepare for a new relationship is to heal the old ones! Try our new Expanding in Love Online Workshop – and choose a free bonus gift for a limited time. You’ll find it’s an invaluable toolkit for clearing old beliefs and habits, setting clear boundaries for the future, even discovering your sexual personality and how it effects your relationships. Get started today!

3 thoughts on “Is it over? If so, what’s next?

  1. Thom Washington

    With all due respect for the author whom I greatly admire, I just wanted to point out that the statement about men wanting to move in ASAP made no sense to me. A) I’ve not seen that to be the case. B) the word warning cast a pale on men, as though they are a danger and something to be feared. In general, I just don’t like blanket statements about men, women, minorities, gays, priests, lawyers….you get the picture.

  2. catherine

    Thanks for sharing this wisdom. It is much needed… With reference to one of the previous posts, yep, maybe the gender stereotyping comment is a bit contentious, and perhaps if I was a man who took wholesome pride in not being pushy, I would be offended to be lumped in with those men who behave more hastily.. But anyway, my main point is just to say thank you for sharing these helpful tools..

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