I’m not OK, you’re not OK; but that’s OK!

imperfectionI’m not OK, you’re not OK; but that’s OK!

I love that line: I’m not OK, you’re not OK; but that’s OK! It captures the truth about who we are and the fact that we were never meant to be perfect. If we were, there would be no one to create opportunities for us to experience forgiveness. Our perfection lies in our imperfection.

I also love the following definition of Radical Forgiveness, which is along the same lines: It is the unconditional acceptance of what is, as is, because that’s how it is meant to be.

Putting the two together then, we can say Radical Self-Forgiveness is accepting the consequences of being ourselves, just as we are. Period.

It is so simple, but our own self-hatred is so deep, it is very hard to rise above it and touch the essence of who we are, which is Love. (The definition of Love is the same as Radical Forgiveness: Unconditional acceptance of what is, as is. Think about it!)

We’ve already covered a lot of what causes this: mainly parents and adults who shamed us into believing that we are no good. And so our core toxic beliefs about ourselves took root. Religious dogma that insisted we were sinners with no inherent divinity contributed its share. These and other influences gave permission to our inner judge and inner critic to make us wrong at every opportunity.

The book, A Course in Miracles, takes this much further by saying all our self-hatred comes from our overwhelming guilt over having defied God by choosing to separate from Him. i.e. the original sin. We are terrified that God will punish us so we project our guilt onto everyone else hoping to avoid the punishment.

I don’t buy that for one minute. My assumption is that we are here with God’s blessing, facilitating his/her/its expansion of consciousness. Hence the term Expanding into Love – expanding into God consciousness.

The difficulty with resolving our unconscious self-hatred caused by core-negative beliefs anchored in our subconscious minds is that they are mostly unconscious. Nevertheless, they are acting like little internal gyroscopes determining our lives and causing us a lot of distress.

So the first step is to find out what these core-negative beliefs are. The way to do this is to look at what keeps showing up in your life, and then you can deduce what the belief must be that creates those circumstances. Your beliefs create your reality out there in the world.

People also energetically pick up on your beliefs about yourself and subconsciously treat you according to how you are projecting the energy around the belief. So if you believe you are not worthy, people will pick up on that and make sure you don’t get what you desire.

The trick is to recognize that this person is subconsciously providing you with an opportunity to heal the misperception that you are unworthy. So you do a Radical Forgiveness worksheet on that person and that takes care of it. You might also do a Radical Self-Forgiveness/Self-Acceptance worksheet on yourself for holding that false belief.

Once you have completed your list of “likely” beliefs, look through to see which have the most resonance. The next step is to love those beliefs into healing. . . yes, love them as part of who you have been up until now, and remain open to the possibility they have served you. Love them for what they have done for you, even if you can’t see it.



P.S. The worksheets mentioned in this blog are available in PDF form when you sign up for Free Stuff at Colin’s Cafe.

P.P.S. Looking to work on your relationships, past, present and future? Try our new Expanding in Love Online Workshop, and choose a free bonus gift for a limited time.

5 thoughts on “I’m not OK, you’re not OK; but that’s OK!

  1. William McNabb

    Colin: After taking your miracles course in Atlanta several years ago, I have continued to use it in my life and to promote your work others – clients and friends. It has changed my life for I now live it from love instead of fear. I am recovering from several surgeries and have finally gotten to a stage where I am healthy again. My purpose in life is to create a world in which people love each other and take care of each other. To that end, I have worked with individuals and groups to bring love and peace to their lives. I now want to create a large group of people to meditate and pray for peace in the world. Are you the one who prayed for people in terminal cancer wards where 25% or the people recovered? I could use some direction. I have created the space to do it in Trinity Cathedral, a very forward thinking Episcopal church in Sacramento which my wife and I attend. Can we talk or communicate via e-mail?
    Peace, love and joy be with you and all those around you. Bill McNabb…

    1. Colin

      Hi Bill,

      No I’m not the one who prayed to cancer patients, and to be honest I don’t think praying for peace is the way to create peace. Paraodoxically the only way to create peace ‘out-there’ is to find what is creating obstacles to peace within ourselves. Pray for how to find peace in yourself.

      Best wishes,

  2. Margaret Black


    I love your work. I am disappointed that you choose to “down” ACIM in this article. That individual paragraph could have been left out and the article would have been just fine. When one pushes something else down, it does not raise oneself.

    Keep up the good work in your usual positive self!

  3. Sky Gazer

    Your comment about ACIM leaves me wondering. What are your thoughts about this book in general? “Everyone” has great things to say about this book. While I agree there are indeed wonderful things in there, I’m not totally on board with the “it’s the end all, be all” and noticed some limitations in the writing (editing perhaps, since it was edited from its original form). Your paragraph above is the first time I’ve read someone point out an “imperfection” with it. Please do share some more thoughts, if you would.

    Btw…I’m with you. I believe we are here with God’s blessing, as well!

    Thank you!!

    1. Colin

      Since I am not a student of ACIM I don’t feel in the least bit qualified to launch into a critique of it beyond the point I already made in my blog, and even that is only my own point of view. I think the book is to be read not for its purely literal meaning but for the changes that occurs within you as you read it. I believe it to be a holy book that offers a profoundly personal experience to those who are open to it.

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