Gay Marriage Response

I want to thank all the people who have responded to my last blog.  So far there are 60 comments listed, most of them very positive and in agreement with my view as expressed.   I am sure that, deep down, most of the people in this country favor making gay marriage legal and it will soon come to pass as people overcome their discomfort with the idea.  I enjoyed reading all your comments, including those that argued against my position.

I’d like to add one more thing to the debate, though, which is somewhat peripheral to the gay marriage issue but is often  implied in discussions like this.  It is, that while I have no objection to people choosing to have their personal morality prescribed by a religious authority, I do have a real problem with the idea that religious beliefs and morality are the same.    This implies that people without religious beliefs have no access to moral reasoning and have no true moral compass.

On the contrary, I think that to rely purely on some religious text for one’s guidance on how to live a good life is to abrogate moral responsibility.  Morality does not come from religion.  Morality is derived from ethics which are immutable agreements about how we should treat each other.  Those agreements have been crafted by intelligent human beings over centuries of evolution according to certain principles like fairness, tolerance, humility, respect, honesty, integrity, forgiveness, etc., and on spiritual values like compassion and love.   Some religious have co-opted these principles into their teachings, but the ethical principles came first, not the other way around. We don’t need religion to teach us those principles.

Moreover, if we rely too much on religious teachings, we fail to develop a strong ethical and moral self.  In fact, religious beliefs are often cited as a justification for acting in ways that are anything but moral or ethical.  9/11 is a case in point.  The last words the guys flying those planes screamed was, “God is Great.”

That’s an extreme case, I know, but in essence it’s no different to denying happiness to a group of people on the basis of a belief prescribed by others who claim some moral authority over everyone else.  It is no different to a group of people in Africa deciding that their religion justifies female circumcision and that one cannot create a law against it for that reason.  A lot of immoral behavior becomes protected, even by law, if it is claimed to be part of one’s religious belief.  And that is the road that the States are taking in deciding to ban gay marriage on religious grounds even though it goes against more than a few ethical principles.

33 thoughts on “Gay Marriage Response

  1. Dipika Patel

    In reference to you comments and point of view, I couldn’t agree more. If we are the form from energy and apart of the Divine then in segregation this can not be. whether we do not allow gay couples to marry, or we start saying the interracial marriages are prohibited.. This does not justify any thing or anyone, it changes what people think and believe. As we evolve I do believe that we as people are going to thought process, as people are becoming less tolerant towards ignorance and people do not wish to continue living with ignorant mind people. They are not bad people they just have to opened up and trusted the deeper mean of the Divine within us.

    Thank you for you time, much love and joy. Dipika

    1. Shari

      It is important for the same reasons it is for straight people. A commitment to share a life together because a deeply felt love and respect go beyond gender. A feeling has no gender. If you are married, try to remember why it was important to you.

    2. Theresa Owen

      Marriage laws protect families in ways that domestic partnerships do not. Health care benefits are frequently obtained through employment and extended to spouses and children. Such is not the case for many domestic partners. Worse, if a woman in a partnership gives birth to a baby, her partner is considered a legal stranger in many states. Tax laws are different for partners who are not married. Married couples enjoy tax breaks that are unavailable to unmarried partners. Family assistance programs may reject people because they are not married. The list goes on. There are over 1,000 benefits given to married couples that are unavailable to unmarried partners.
      These issues can cause a strain financially, emotionally, and can also have a negative effect on health.
      In terms of morality, here is a thought from David Brooks, a conservative columnist writing for the New York Times, Nov 22, 2003:
      “We shouldn’t just allow gay marriage. We should insist on gay marriage. We should regard it as scandalous that two people could claim to love each other and not want to sanctify their love with marriage and fidelity”
      Marriage is about stepping up and accepting responsibilities that enable deep personal growth. Denial of marriage stunts this possibility and provides a multitude of roadblocks that unmarried couples must navigate. This just isn’t fair.

    3. Kera Hamilton

      Since marriage is a legal institution, it is a concept of law and government. Without marriage, thankfully legal in several states, there is no health insurance, no hospital visitation rights, no rights to joint property, sticky problems with end-of-life directives … a whole host of “secular snafu’s.” That, and being able to publicly claim one’s love and devotion for another …. it’s much more complicated than any one of us can imagine.

  2. Pat

    Thank you, Colin. That needed to be said – and you said it perfectly. I was raised as a Christian, but left the church years ago when I realized that the church had left Jesus. Today, many of the truly moral people I know do not claim any religion – but live with love and compassion and a passion for social justice. It comes from within us – not without.

    Thank you for all you do to bring tolerance and understanding to our world.

  3. Jane Leach

    Hi Colin,
    How succinctly and beautifully put. We all have a right to freedom of choice. Those who do not uphold and defend that right are unworthy of the privileges they enjoy as a member of a democratic society.

    We have a situation here in Australia where 4 young girls have been forced into hiding. Their deportation to Italy has been ordered by the Family Court despite their vehement pleas against it. They and their mother have suffered abuse at the hands of their Italian father. The Australian Consulate aided theirs and their mothers escape 2 years ago, however despite the children having rights under the UN Convention, the Australian government are doing nothing to intervene and protect these children.

    The basic human right to protection and to have a choice in their own lives under the United Nations Constitution on the Rights of the Child have been breached. This case may seem a long way away from the USA, but very many similar cases are happening right now in your country too.

    It’s time to speak up.

  4. Jeannette Mendez-de Jesus

    Dear Colin,

    I have already read your position of the legalization of “same sex” marriage for about 10 times and feel compelled to “add what wisdom I have gained throughout my
    life” concerning this matter so vital to the well being of those who engage in unbalanced mating.

    Years ago, I read the book entitled SCIENTIFIC ANSWER TO SEX written by
    Dr. Walter Russell. The book explains that balanced sex is the holiest of all creative principles for it is through balanced sex or the mating of the male with the femalr in all areas of creation that The Creator is able to perpetuate creation.

    Same sex matings or unbalanced male-female matings — due to their violation of the sex principle upon which creation is founded, will tear down those who practice it due to the enormous levesl of unbalanced tensions left in their bodies which alter not just the patter of their blood but of their very souls.

    Violation of balanced interchange between pairs is the most hurtful practice any form of creation can engage in.

    Some of my dearest friends are gay and I have found them to be both loving and caring individuals indeed. Regardless of their caring attitude, I have seen how their unbalanced sexual practices are tearing them down both biologically and spiritually for the Universal Law which governs all actions and reactions in the universe is inviolate.

    Morality and religious belief have nothing to do with this process. The Universe is founded upon Love and Love is Balanced Interchage between pairs of opposites.

    Because the 44th President of the United States is both ignorant and self-serving, I can see why he is doing all he can to secure his re-election with the help of those who are seriously hurting from their unbalanced sexual practices as well as those who have violated federal law by entering our country without the knowledge and consent of
    We the People.


    Jeannette Mendez-de Jesus

    1. Dennis Flynn

      Homosexuality is not unique to the human species. Therefore, it is inherently a part of the balance of the universe.

    2. Loraine Magda

      You may be shocked to consider that every one of us – male and female – is at our core a balance of masculine and feminine energies (yin and yang). You are quite right that there is a perfect balance in the universe and that love constitutes the harmonious balance of opposites. Where you are incorrect is in assuming that men are yang and women are yin and that we need a man and woman to form a balancing of yin and yang. We don’t. At our core, our spiritual centre, each of us is yin and yang in perfect balance and harmony – within ourselves – just as GOD/SPIRIT is. We are a spark of God. So what does this mean for gay marriage? Every one of us regardless of gender or sexual orientation has the right to be in relationship with another person and the balancing of yin and yang takes place regardless of the external form (i.e. gender/sexual orientation) of the persons involved.

  5. Anne Foster Angelou

    Hi, Colin: Thanks so much for your thoughts and ideas on this issue of gay marriage. I was raised Catholic and was away from the church for many years. I returned with my own conditions. As a Christian, I don’t remember anything taught by Jesus that involved discrimination, exclusion, hatred, violence or anything else that would prevent loving couples from being together. Jesus said nothing, to my knowledge, about homosexuality. Many of my dear friends are gay and in long-term committed relationships. There is nothing sadder than a loving partner not being allowed to be near a sick or dying loved one because they are not a spouse or member of the family. No one should be denied the right to a legal union or a religious ceremony if they choose. The “church” should stay out of politics. It is not my place to tell another human being whom to love or whom to marry. In our local archdiocese, the archbishop announced that parishes could opt out of circulating petitions for signatures to put the gay marriage issue on the ballot so voters could decide. He is in favor of it. In our State of Washington, it has been signed into law and there are those who want to reverse it. The pastor at the cathedral announced that he would not participate in such a petition. Our local parish priest also announced we would not collect signatures in our church. He was met with a standing ovation at Sunday Mass. Just because someone is “uncomfortable” with what someone else is doing, doesn’t mean they should prevent it. Thanks so much for speaking to all of us about this. Bless you. Anne in Seattle, WA.

  6. Elise

    Our earth is changing. The masses want equality. Saying a person cannot marry due to some belief system from the past no longer serves us. It takes one person to change things. I am thinking of Rosa Parks in particular. Soon there will be no such labels as “gay” marriages. It will just be 2 people getting married. Also, the power of prayer and intention (minus the religion part) will also change this fear based belief system.

  7. Shel

    Mr. Tipping, once again I want to thank you for your post. Your words are so eloquently written and I appreciate your sentiments more than I can express. Thank you!!!


  8. Nicole

    I agree with your stand on both gay marriage and the difference between religious and moral beliefs. Thank you for being clear and sincere about your stand that morals are not derived from religion. In my opinion, they are derived by our internal compass formed partly by our life experiences and the environment we grew up in and partly by the internal voice that whispers our personal truth to us even when we choose not to listen to or follow it. I cannot be sure that the inner voice is divinely inspired because I have met those who feel they are similarly guided by an internal voice that is counter to the messages I receive. I only know that I am not religious, but I feel I have well developed morals that guide me when life is most challenging. Why must people oppose the rights of others that will never actually affect them personally? Why not just agree to disagree and let each person choose their own path and set of beliefs. Why does anyone feel the need to control what others do if they are not directly harming you or your direct environment. Let everyone be who they are. Stop manning everyone else’s decisions and start manning your own. That’s where real change and consciousness come from.

  9. Dennis Flynn

    I am encouraged by both the support you are receiving as well as the weakness of the arguments against it. There is a grasping of straws taking place in order to preserve a dying dogma. But love will prevail.

  10. Loraine Magda

    Gay people – straight people – we all have the right to get married and be recognised as such. The truest expression of reality is love. And for many people the truest expression of their love for one another is to dedicate themselves to one another as a couple. That’s joyful! It’s true, it’s beautiful, and that in itself is enough to make it a right for everyone, gay or straight. You are part of the natural fabric of life. Thank God for this diversity in life.

  11. Raphaela

    I totally agree with you, Colin – once again.

    It is statement’s like these that allowed me to embrace radical forgiveness with all my heart when I first got in touch with it. This concept does not try to make people obey a certain religious system, it addresses our “moral selves” and thus can truly make a stance for a an approach to others and ourselves based on love and acceptance.

    I do believe that – at least deep down inside – all of us long for that approach and religion can be a guiding light on that path, alas, it can also be a will-o’-the-wisp.

  12. Debarah

    I want to thank you Colin for having the courage to speak out on such a hot debate!
    Also, I am grateful for altering my opinion on this topic by your perspective on religion versus spirit (love and compassion)

    I have been in ministry and I can tell you that Christianity teaches you that this is an abomination against God. They explain it as a judgment, and that we are to love the person as God loves them.

    Now please do not stone me, but I accepted that as truth seeing it is in the Bible. As a result of reading your perspective it really spoke truth to me; if God is love, then He loves everyone unconditionally.

    Now I wonder if we his poorly informed spokespeople think we are doing his work when I fear we are in fact chasing our own tails, boosting our own egos, and in essence hurting ourselves and others with our self righteous man made beliefs!

  13. Amanda lee

    Good on you Colin! Just LOVE your straight down the line honest opinion on ethics and religion. You speak for so many, thank you!!

  14. elizabeth

    I’m not religious, but I do believe in order and spiritual laws. I also believe all souls are learning and we can become out of balance, but it doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else, it is all a learning process. I also believe in dark forces that are constantly playing with us to lower our consciousness and morality so we will not ascend and will remain on the wheel of incarnation, under their control. God gave us free will to use as we wish and we can use it to raise ourselves up, or down. It is a choice and the dark forces want us to go down. The Gay agenda is one such plan. Perversion and “do what one wishes” is the plan. Abortion is another example “a woman should have control over her body and the gov’t has no right to tell her what to do” and “religion” as you may be likely to link pro-life to, has nothing to do with being against it – it is another breaking of a spiritual law. I do not judge the woman that gets an abortion, but I certainly would not vote to legalize it.

    I believe religion is also the plan to control us. I do believe in God and laws for the universe so I do not encourage others to break those laws. I get that you have compassion for all souls, wherever they are on the path, as do I, but I do not support perversion or encouraging others to. I have gay friends that I love and I never judge them, but I would not attend their wedding. Just as I would not attend a friend’s abortion.

    If you would open your mind and read the website I linked, Jesus explains it very well. We are our brother’s keeper, so I would do more research before trying to sway people in a certain direction. I say this because I care about you and your karma. Inside, we all know what is going to raise us up, and what will do the opposite (instinct) and the gay agenda is full force right now so, your position as a spiritual example can be very persuasive so please be careful. And again, please check out the website and the answer to the spiritual cause of homosexuality:

  15. Tracey

    Excellent blog on religion and morality. Thank you so much for writing this, Colin.

    My partner and I have been together 18.5 years. We are honest, hard-working, tax paying US Citizens who live in NC, but we are not allowed to have the same rights as a murderer spending life in prison who can get married? How fair is that?

    In 1802, President Thomas Jefferson wrote about the Separation of Church and State, and yet in 2012 LGBT citizens are still denied over 1,000 rights that straight citizens receive, and this denial of rights is based predominately on religious intolerance. If you don’t know about the rights LGBT people are denied because we can not get married, please see my website here:

    I love living in NC, but I’ve got to write that it was really hurtful to drive through my own neighborhood where signs were posted in the yards of people who do not even know me, showing that they are going to vote against my right to be equal to everyone else as a citizen of the beautiful state my partner and I have lived in, and paid taxes to, for the past 17 years.

    Some people say that my sexual orientation is a choice. Maybe people who are bisexual have a choice to be with one sex or the other, but for me, a person who has been attracted to the same sex since I was a tiny child, the only choice I have is whether I lie about how I was born or not.

    If people tell me they know for sure that my sexual orientation is a choice, then I guess these people know this because they are making a choice themselves, and they are either bisexual and “choosing” to be straight, or they are gay and they are lying about their lives and their true sexual orientation.

    People bring up words like morality–how moral is it that I am judged every day of my life for how I was born and who I love? Am I supposed to lie about who I really am so that other people can feel better about who they are? I am so sick of being demonized by many who are closeted gay and bisexuals themselves. What would Jesus do? REALLY what would he do? You can bet he wouldn’t be judging me for being true to myself and living as the person I was born to be…

  16. Jeannette Mendez-de Jesus

    Dear Colin,

    Not one of us can change Love as Law any more than we can change the way magnetism or gravity works.

    True. There is Ying and Yang in humans and we can consciously balance these forces within us. But when two humans of the same sex mate, this high level interaction increases the force inside them which correlates to their common sex. Balancing the tensions created by such an increase in one of the forces becomes a challenge indeed.

    The only book I have read is not Scientific Answer To Sex. I have also read Courageous Souls, one of the highly recommended books offered in your web site.

    I must say that choosing, out mutual unconditional love, to play the script of a homosexual to further the growth of one’s self and others is truly an act of love. For the purpose of life is not just to engage in physical mating. Ultimately, is to discover and appreciate our own magnificense regardless of whether we are convenient to the mores of society. Life in its most precious form is not about having physical sex as much as it is about learning to love one’s self, to give love to others and to accept their love.

    I am not a homosexual but I sure understand the pain birthed through rejection of those who are meant to love us best…. and most.

    Conceived as an act of rape and raised by the rapist and his victim, I can assure you I know the pain of being “inconvenient” “unwanted” “unloved” no matter what.

    it was after I read the book Courageous Souls that I started looking at my parents and their families with a level of love that truly facilitated my ability to forgive the years of rejection through no fault of my own.

    I must say, it was after I forgave them and sent them love over and over again, that my balanced mate finally showed up in my life adding such joy to it that it feels like all the pain of the past is no longer existent.

    Looking for the magnificense in another is truly an awesome process, a win-win activity worth engagin in.

    No words can express my gratitude for Radical Forgiveness and all the good it continues to add to my life.

    Thank you, Colin.

  17. Pingback: Gay Marriage Response – Colin Tipping’s follow up blog… « serenesblessedbee

  18. karen

    Hi Colin,
    Great article with a lot of wonderful points…

    I’m not religious, but a very spiritual person.. About 12 years ago I was searching for answers, and thought I would find them in church.. I started attended a church that seemed loving enough, until I started attending classes to become a member. That’s when the church’s “real” doctrine was revealed to me.. It was made clear that as Christians, we were to love the “gays”, but with the understanding that they would not be allowed into heaven. We were also to let “them” know that..

    There was a woman I had befriended who had a gay son, whom she knew she would never see again after this lifetime because he would not be allowed into heaven, unless, of course, he saw the error of his ways before dying and begged for forgiveness.. This was something that weighed heavily on her heart, as she loved her son dearly.

    This same woman admitted to me that although the church had made this very clear to her, so she knew that must be the truth, she had to admit that she really didn’t understand why.. Her son had been in a long term relationship and they both seemed very content and happy, while she and her daughter had both been in turbulent marriages that ended in divorce.. She questioned how his loving relationship could be wrong.

    I remember whispering to her that I didn’t think the church was right.. That God doesn’t make mistakes, and that none of us should be passing judgement on others in that way. Who were we to decide who would be allowed into heaven?

    She looked shocked, and relieved, that someone would actually say that within the churches walls…Obviously, others overheard our conversation, because after that, I was treated with “distance” by many of the church members…That’s when I knew I was expected to believe what I was told, and not to question the “wisdom” of the church.

    A few weeks later, I chose to “decline” my membership and left the church..I could not morally join a church who went against everything I know in my soul to be true..I know without question that God does not make mistakes, and just because someone is gay, he/she is not loved any less than someone who is straight. I could not/would not, be a hypocrite. I have never attended a church since.

    It’s very odd to me that a church, a place of worship and supposed love, passes judgement on people, all in the name of God… Are they not actually saying God made a mistake and it’s now their responsiblity to point that out??

    As for gay marraige, I’m confused as to why so many are against it.. The homosexual community is not trying to hurt anyone by wanting the same marital rights as everyone else.. They just want the same things we all do…

    Instead of trying to find quotes in the Bible that condemn homosexuality, perhaps we would all be better off if we remembered quotes like Matthew 7:1-5 “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

    To be clear, I am not gay, but I cannot understand why some people feel the gays are somehow less entitled than someone who is straight.. I also don’t understand why we have to have labels like “gay” and “straight”… Can’t we all just be human beings?

    After all, we are all spiritual beings having this human experience! With that in mind, if you believe as I do, (that we all chose the situations we will encounter in this lifetime before we decide to incarnate), does that not make a homosexual an incredibly courageous soul? Who, but the courageous, would choose a life that will be filled with judgement and cruelty inflicted by others?

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