Don’t You Love ‘em? Your Parents, I Mean!

ParentsDon’t You Love ‘em? Your Parents, I Mean!

To forgive people using the Tipping Method (Radical Forgiveness) is actually to come to a place of appreciation for who they really are. It is coming to see them as the divine beings they always were, no matter how they showed up in the human world.

The holiday season is the time of year when you have the best opportunity to appreciate your parents, who are, if they are still alive, not getting any younger, any more than you are!

Soon the roles begin to reverse. You will start acting like the parent and begin treating them like the children. (The older they get, the more irritating they can be. Ask my kids!)

The first step in appreciating someone is to let go of all the judgments you harbor about them, both now and in the past. Can’t remember them? Don’t worry. If you are getting together with your parents over the holiday, they will soon come flooding back. If they are no longer with you, holidays can bring up the memories.

The next step is to let go of any need or expectation that they are any different from the way they are. Accept them the way they are, or were if they are no longer with us. (By the way, all that we are saying here applies just as much if your parents are dead. You are doing this for yourself, remember?)

We do, of course, have a worksheet for this. (Surprise, surprise!) It’s called the Radical Acceptance Worksheet. It’s downloadable from our website in the Free Stuff section of Colin’s Cafe at no charge, so go ahead and get one. Just click the Colin’s Cafe link on the top menu and make a few copies for use over the holidays. It will help you first recognize your judgments and expectations and then release them. I bet you will need one for each parent.

Like I said in the beginning, forgiveness is the same as appreciation of who people really are, not as they seem to be. So I would recommend that you look to see what your parents might have done in the past, or are doing now, that you still feel yucky about.

Then, in addition to doing the Acceptance Worksheet, forgive your Mother, Father or both using the Radical Forgiveness Process. As I have said before, this will make your family reunion a great deal more enjoyable.

If your parents are a bit grumpy this time of year, you might ask yourself why. Probably for the same reasons you get grumpy this time of year! Maybe they feel the expectations on them are too great, or maybe they are feeling that, although they really WANT to keep all the traditions the same, they aren’t physically able to do everything they feel is required.

Returning to last week’s topic of gift giving, how about you give them a break and offer to host a holiday dinner yourself? Or maybe gather the family to pitch in a little more, or even hire some help (like a house cleaner for the season, or better yet, a year). That might do a lot to lower the stress level. Any way you can show you appreciate them. That’s what they want most.

Love and Blessings,


3 thoughts on “Don’t You Love ‘em? Your Parents, I Mean!

  1. Linda L.H. Smith

    Colin I would love to SHARE these blogs with my friends on facebook. Would you please ask your website builder to add a tab to facilitate that? Hope you have a wonderful holiday season. I often refer my radio show listeners to your books and website. You have been a tremendous blessing to more than you know! I love and appreciate you Colin! Thank you for all you do! You made a tremendous difference in my life! That’s for sure.

    By the way, Mom passed away 11 months ago peacefully in her sleep in her bed at home with a caregiver watching her last moment happen.

    Talk about time lines and synchronicity. Dad died at 2:00 PM on the day after my grandson’s, Sage’s, first birthday and Mom died at 2:00 AM the day before Sage’s 7th birthday. They did not die at 2:15 or 2:08 they both were at 2:00 high! Sage said, “Nana do you know how cool that is? GG and Granddad are my guardian angels because they proved that to me by being like book ends around my birthday and both dying at the exact same time!” WOW!

    Colin it would be nice to have you come back to Arizona. I would like to introduce you to a real dynamo of a woman. Niurka. She is a spitfire. I think you two could do work together. Look her up. She is a master at evolved NLP!

    Let me know what you think!

    Love and Blessings Now and Always!
    Thank you again for all you do!

    Linda Smith
    Chandler, AZ

    From the mouths of babes!

    1. Colin

      Hi Linda,

      That’s a great story about the bookend Guardian Angels. Loved it! Don’t know about Arizona. I’m spending a lot of my time in England and Europe but I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks for you kind words. Hugs back to you. Love, Colin

  2. Madeline

    This is such a timely and wonderful post. Thank you for sharing yourself and your knowledge.

    Both of my parents are dead, would not get awards for being the gentlest, kindest parents, and left scars too numerous to mention. However, as I’ve grown up I can look back at how flawed they were, AND how flawed I am, so no one is perfect. I’m able to see they had their own burdens to carry. For some reason we expect our parents to be perfect, to have all of the answers, to maybe even be better than anyone else’s parents, and to claim a right to whinge, ad nauseum, about minor and major events from our past. I would say both of my parents were highly abusive but the lessons I learned from my childhood is I didn’t have to follow in their footsteps raising my children. The pain will never go away but my reaction to the pain can change, right?

    It seems like society has taken a turn towards griping about parents as the norm.
    (Also, remember when multi-generational families lived together and Grandma would die at home and nursing homes were almost unheard of?)

    Now that my Dad is gone I think of all of the questions I’d like to ask him, about his WWII experiences, about his childhood etc., and will never be able to. So, sit around that holiday table and record those parent stories from THEIR childhood, ask those questions, and be as authentic as you can sending out love and forgiveness. Maybe, just maybe, the reason your parent is the way they are might be illuminated and it will be easier to understand them, and them to understand you?

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