To forgive people using the Tipping Method (Radical Forgiveness) is actually to come to a place of appreciation for who they really are. It is coming to see them as the divine beings they always were, no matter how they showed up in the human world.
The holiday season is the time of year when you have the best opportunity to appreciate your parents, who are, if they are still alive, not getting any younger, any more than you are!
Soon the roles begin to reverse. You will start acting like the parent and begin treating them like the children. (The older they get, the more irritating they can be. Ask my kids!)
The first step in appreciating someone is to let go of all the judgments you harbor about them, both now and in the past. Can’t remember them? Don’t worry. If you are getting together with your parents over the holiday, they will soon come flooding back. If they are no longer with you, holidays can bring up the memories.
The next step is to let go of any need or expectation that they are any different from the way they are. Accept them the way they are, or were if they are no longer with us. (By the way, all that we are saying here applies just as much if your parents are dead. You are doing this for yourself, remember?)
We do, of course, have a worksheet for this. (Surprise, surprise!) It’s called the Radical Acceptance Worksheet. It’s downloadable from our website in the Free Stuff section of Colin’s Cafe at no charge, so go ahead and get one. Just click the Colin’s Cafe link on the top menu and make a few copies for use over the holidays. It will help you first recognize your judgments and expectations and then release them. I bet you will need one for each parent.
Like I said in the beginning, forgiveness is the same as appreciation of who people really are, not as they seem to be. So I would recommend that you look to see what your parents might have done in the past, or are doing now, that you still feel yucky about.
Then, in addition to doing the Acceptance Worksheet, forgive your Mother, Father or both using the Radical Forgiveness Process. As I have said before, this will make your family reunion a great deal more enjoyable.
If your parents are a bit grumpy this time of year, you might ask yourself why. Probably for the same reasons you get grumpy this time of year! Maybe they feel the expectations on them are too great, or maybe they are feeling that, although they really WANT to keep all the traditions the same, they aren’t physically able to do everything they feel is required.
Returning to last week’s topic of gift giving, how about you give them a break and offer to host a holiday dinner yourself? Or maybe gather the family to pitch in a little more, or even hire some help (like a house cleaner for the season, or better yet, a year). That might do a lot to lower the stress level. Any way you can show you appreciate them. That’s what they want most.
Love and Blessings,