Depression Part 2

Depression Part 2

depressedLast week we looked at the idea that depression was some kind of a wake-up call from within, the message being, “Heal your pain or continue suffering.”

I also claimed we have had a lot of success dealing with it through the Radical Forgiveness and Self-Forgiveness technology.

In this follow-up session, I would like to say more about the method we use that gets these results.

The first stage in Radical Forgiveness, as with all other methods, is to find a way to have you talk about what happened, without being judged, and without the listener trying to fix you. It is essential that you feel understood and that your feelings are validated.

The more you talk, the more the tension is released from your mind and body. Being encouraged to focus on body sensations as you talk gets you more in touch with the memories and feelings you experienced at the time, as well as those you experience as you relate your story.

Feeling the feelings is the second stage in the Radical Forgiveness process, and we know this to be a crucial step. You can’t heal what you don’t feel. I know you’ve heard me say that many times, but its true.

However, one of the effects of having used and made permanent one or more of the defense mechanisms, is that you may have numbed out. You’re unable to feel your feelings. It’s not that the feelings are not there. You are simply unable to access them.

Doing something physical helps you discharge pent-up “fight-or-flight” emotional energy—something explosive and fast-moving like beating some cushions with a tennis racquet. (It makes such a good noise!)

When you do this, the body takes over. Your mind gets out of the way and the resistance to feeling the feelings dissolves.

The anger erupts. You’re likely to collapse in tears, shake violently for a few minutes and then go quiet.

Then come the feelings beneath the anger – sadness, grief, hurt and very often, with soldiers having PTSD, survivor’s remorse.

“Why was I spared when my mates were killed? It should have been me.”

Beating the cushion is a technique I use all the time in Radical Forgiveness Therapy. You have to get in touch with the raw emotion behind what happened.

However, I never recommend that you do it on your own without having support from someone who can hold the space for you to go through the anger and the whole process without needing to intervene or being fazed by the process.

It is not always pretty and can be upsetting to someone who is not used to it.

As you probably know, the 3rd stage in the Radical Forgiveness Process is collapsing the story.

This is where we take some of the heat out of the trauma by trying to rationalize it, understand why it happened, what factors might have made it inevitable, and so on.

This is cognitive therapy, pure and simple, and for most people who have been traumatized, this is the end of the road. There’s nowhere else to go.

That said, it works well enough for man,y even though it takes a great deal of time and money, and in my view, probably leaves a lot undone.

With Radical Forgiveness, we take it to the next level. It’s at this stage that the healing really takes place and at a very fast rate.

The person is gently introduced to the idea that what happened was supposed to happen that way and that, far from being a tragedy, it was what their Higher Self had set up for them to experience. That’s when the healing process really takes off and goes into overdrive.

However, the timing has to be right. The Radical Forgiveness reframe has to be introduced carefully and with due respect for the person’s existing consciousness at the time.

If it is proposed too early, the person can be re-traumatized. The idea that they created it and that, from a spiritual perspective, it was entirely perfect might be just too radical for them.

My approach, when I have done all the emotional work and have completed the cognitive analysis, and feel the person is ready, goes something like this: “Would you possibly be open to seeing this situation from a different perspective?”

If I sense curiosity coming back from them, I then launch into it, step-by-step, looking to see how it might be landing for them.

I never ask them to believe it. In fact, I usually say, “I don’t believe it myself, but something happens if we just become willing to believe it. So, for a moment let’s just suppose…” And I go from there.

They nearly always buy it. Tentatively at first, of course, but gradually they find a sense of rightness about it. It resonates. They notice that they feel different inside. A weight has lifted from them. They become alive again.

My main experience over the years has been with people traumatized by sexual abuse and other relationship-based traumas.

But no matter how a person has been wounded or traumatized, I am totally convinced that Radical Forgiveness Therapy is at least part of the answer.

6 thoughts on “Depression Part 2

  1. Ken Witte


    It’s more than part of the answer. It’s the real answer. I’ve been a counselor, teacher, minister and thought I understood the issues of forgiveness or the lack thereof. Then late in life I went through a series of betrayals so perfectly orchestrated to devastate my life, I could only marvel in the midst of all the pain that somehow only God could have designed it all. It really had a supernatural feel to it. And in that feeling was a sense it all was somehow intended for my ultimate good. It was a that low point, high on a ledge, one step from ending it all, that someone gave me your book. And it provided the only perspective that could bring a smile back. For that I am in your debt. Thank you.

  2. Susan

    I wish I could forgive myself. The main problem I have is that I have lost my faith in everything. I have studied a myriad of spiritual philosophies, i.e., a course in miracles, Buddhism, and many more. I’ve listened to wonderful spiritual master’s like Gangaji, Byron Katie, Marianne Williamson, Greg Bradon, and much more. I truly love these teachings and belief’s, the problem is I am almost 60 years old and I have not been able to fully integrate them into my soul! I’ve even facilitated A Course in Miracles class in my home and there was a lot of healing going on with the group but my life “appears” to keep falling apart. My lesson’s have come in the form of Lack Consciousness. Right now I have no money. I’ve sold my car because it cost too much to repair and I needed the money. I have been walking through this since 2008 when the market crashed. ( I was a realtor then) and I’m so tired. I’m ready to give up. I had a couple of jobs since then. Both I absolutely hated and the last job I was laid off a year ago because they moved our department to Vegas. (I am in tampa fl). I will do the radical forgiveness today, giving this one last try. I am asking for a Miracle!

  3. Brit

    I can so relate to your situation. Your story mirrors the same situation I am in . I can’t seem to have any faith in anything either. I just broke a 30 year relationship. I feel like my heart is going to break. I did the radical forgiveness workshop in 2012 feeling worst than before, while other folks received miracles. I wish you a miracle.

  4. Jacqueline Metelica Brzezinski

    Having had PST, been depressed and worked 23 years to retirement, married at 38, had my only child at 40 I found that the life experiences I had were merely staging as well as studying. Chaos is a part of the process and when it comes we learn how to manage in better as we go along. Sometimes it can cause denial. Our minds can’t fathom what has happened so we get amnesia until we can open it back up in bits and pieces. I read all the books, studied all the means available to find this: the Ego is good when you allow it to be conscious and go to the Source or dream life for answers and to be healthy. Humility is like begging. Don’t do it. Forgiveness means, “I have unconditional love from the source just as I am.” Forget the Father, the Mother, the Son, and allow your words to work for you. Now walk tall, find your song, do a little art or scribbling, defy the odds. Never give up.

  5. Jacqueline Metelica Brzezinski

    We make our own miracles. I think the the book of miracles is for people who have done horrific acts and need a foundation to move forward in themselves. That is not what you or i need. We need to act. Never lie. Don’t do harm. Overcome any jealousy because that is just your inadequacy speaking. Don’t trust your childhood roll models, check out your own first and when one is not satisfying make up another without guilt of shame. This is about getting to happiness. If you need medicine take it. You have to eat good food. Protein and vegetables, fruit in season, nothing but water, milk, seltzer. No infused. Cut out the sugar except in condiments and exercise. Do something. Don’t be afraid of being alone and don’t let society convince you have to have Friends or a cliche to be happy. Just not so. Then your miracles will come because you are working on you and life will like your smile. Join a circle group of any kind. Leave it. do another. go to the movies, walk down town. get a coffee to be with people. Be thankful and keep a roof over your head.

  6. Jacqueline Metelica Brzezinski

    That’s how I got a grip and cured my own unhappiness with my own eccentric reality. I am whole and I don’t allow myself guilt or shame. I rewrote the old scripts given to me by my parents and “friends” boy oh boy. Friends are the worst saboteurs and until you realize that and be your own Self and Ego with Source and write your own name on your heart….you will feel second best. I feel like a movie star, a great writer and artist unto myself. You are whatever you say you are. This one glorious life is yours and mine and be positive that greatness of life style and nature in abundance is full of ancestors and spirit watching you and wanting you to succeed.

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