Abortion With Love

We haven’t been getting much American news here in the UK, so I haven’t been commenting much on current issues.  But apparently one Todd Aikin, Representative from Missouri said something outrageous and stupid about rape that, in turn, inflamed the debate on abortion, so I thought it might be appropriate to say something here about abortion.

It is a real pity that abortion has become so terribly polarized.   We don’t hear much from people who might wish to find some middle ground, although I am sure that they would be in the vast majority.  I do, however, think that in the way we think about it and how we treat people who are faced with the decision offers us a great opportunity to exercise compassion and understanding. 

The truth is, neither side can claim to know the answer to the basic spiritual questions that are at the core of the issue.  While science tells us all about the intricacies of fertilization and cell division, it has nothing to say about the process by which a soul enters the body, and what happens to it if the pregnancy is terminated. 

No one else knows the answer to that question either, and there is very little discussion about it.   The churches have their dogma, but they are no better informed regarding the truth than anyone else.  Both sides take positions on it based on assumptions that have no basis in fact, but which support their own prejudices.

This is exactly what I am about to do since I don’t know either.  All I can do, like everyone else, is come up with a story based on certain assumptions and inspired guesses about how we transition between the spiritual and physical realms through the processes of birth and death.  
But before I do, I must say this.  Abortion is an extremely important issue and is worthy of our deep consideration on ethical, social and spiritual grounds. There’s no question in my mind about that. So I do not enter into this discussion lightly.  I also think that here are karmic implications for both the man and the woman who decide to abort, depending on their motivation at the time.

I am also mindful of the fact that I am a man and as such I have no way of knowing what it is like to have the spiritual responsibility for giving life to a soul that requests to come through.  Only a woman knows.  Men need to honor this and have enough humility to admit that they are not privy to the same knowledge as women, and should be willing to defer to feminine wisdom when it comes to the process of giving life.

But, that said,  I can easily imagine the soul might be disappointed if the woman it chooses to incarnate through says, “No, not right now.”  After all, that soul may have given a lot of thought to why that person was the ideal parent to experience life through.  It may even have been an agreed soul contract between it and the soul of the mother. 

But, disappointment notwithstanding, I cannot imagine that the soul is mortally wounded if the mother says ‘No,’ even if it has already anchored itself in the form we call a fetus.  If it was aborted, it would not be extinguished any more than a soul who, as a baby died a SIDS death, or the soul of a soldier killed in battle would be snuffed out.  The soul cannot die.  It simply goes back home to the spiritual realm, in all probability, no worse for wear but perhaps having experienced something instructive and valuable.  And who is to say that the soul did not choose to have the abortion experience in order to balance the energy of having been a woman who aborted a fetus in a previous life.

This is not to say, however, that a woman and her partner who is, or should be, party to the decision should enter into this decision without a lot of careful and thoughtful consideration.  There probably was a good reason why that soul requested passage into the human experience through her and this has to be honored. 

But the prospective mother has a soul too, and her soul’s wishes need to be honored, as well.  I think it is possible that the Spirit World, not really understanding how difficult life can be down here in the dense vibration of the physical realm, can sometimes put too much of a load on the shoulders of a soul who has taken on a body.  I’m sure everything looks very easy from up there.  I think they also understand that a soul who is in a human body is entitled to say “No” to whatever task he or she is being given at any one time.  After all, it is a principle that we have free will and sometimes that freedom is exercised by saying “No” to a soul who is asking to incarnate through that woman’s body. 

And it need not necessarily be a total rejection.  How often do we say to someone who wants something from us, “No, not now.  Ask me again later.”  In other words, we might say to the soul, “Thank you for choosing me, but I’m just not ready for this now.  Try again later when I am stronger and more prepared. I love you.”

Again, as a man, I cannot say how any woman should go about making the decision, but I would respectfully suggest that it would be helpful to have a conversation with the soul that is knocking on the door.  Talk to it and explain why you wish to refuse to be the conduit this time, and let it know that you are truly honored to be asked, and that you love it dearly even though you are saying “No” on this occasion.  Wish it well and tell it you hope to connect with it in another way if and when it incarnates.  Then, be quiet and listen.  Let the soul talk back to you.  Maybe it will lovingly release you from the obligation and may tell you why you are so special and why it initially chose you.

Having had this kind of dialogue with you and feeling your love, might be enough for the soul and satisfy its need to connect with you.  Maybe, too, it will enable it to move on and find another woman to incarnate through.  No harm done.  All is well.

Excerpted from my forthcoming book, Expanding In Love, A Handbook for Radical Living.

8 thoughts on “Abortion With Love

  1. Regina.reiter

    Well said! Thank you for being so articulate about this sensitive issue. I’m sharing this with my community! I’m so happy to be a RadicalForgiveness coach who gets to practice these simple tools with people who are ready to make spiritual principles come alive.

  2. Joyce Johnson

    Dear Colin,

    It feels like you are addressing me personally, honestly. I did have an abortion at the time when they only just first became legal, decades ago. I heard it announced on my radio driving down the 405 in Los Angeles. I memorized the phone number that was announced for inquiries. Yet our culture was not yet embracing pregnant single women as it is now. I was near suicidal, and without support of any kind. I could not go to my parents and face their shame and disappointment. The Father of the embryo, [and I must call it that as I cannot believe that it was en-souled physically at that stage,] left town and I never saw him again — my boyfriend of a year. Never mind the huge and painful issues around that, and the only decision I felt I had, and the loan of money from my best friend, and the feelings of doom I had laying there in the small hospital waiting my turn among many young women, one of whom was having her 11th abortion, she told me amused. I should not tell you I woke a few seconds too early and saw what I thought might be that aborted material in a jar held by a surgery attendant. And I can’t tell people that my alcoholism of these past decades was rooted in all this, not even in the AA meetings where honestly is the root of recovery.

    I remember this as the only good thing, and I grasp it still now: The big black orderly who rolled me down the eternally long trip to surgery, whose surgical hat was popping off his funny big Afro hair. He was the only one who was warm and kind, and made me less self trashing. I was damned after all, wasn’t I? I still cannot talk about it, because of the subtle looks of condemnation I get or think I get. I cannot even talk of it to those women friends and siblings who have had abortions. It’s just not done. They have had babies since and the issue is then neutralized? I did not have children, too terrified of pregnancy, all relationships with men became afflicted.

    So, all these years I have tried to compensate, the best I can. As an artist, I drew many portraits and especially gave my all to those of kids trying to capture the essence of their beautiful souls on paper for their parents. I had beautiful experiences with the occasional rare child sitting still looking into my eyes as I searched his or hers. Sometimes I wonder where the soul is that I returned to spirit. I had dreams. I became a Big Sister/mentor for a little girl for 10 years. My friends and siblings who have had abortions have had children, and 2 of them believe and were told by spiritual counselors that the soul came back in as the first born, later.

    Only one other time did I talk about this, and only briefly, and agonizingly, to a woman assistant in a senator’s office to support anti abortion issues, and that was because I felt that no woman should be encouraged to chose this act, something that will or could so powerfully alter her own fate, her sanity, or the life that she perhaps was meant to have? In my case perhaps I forfeited the privilege of being the mother I was supposed to be? Questions only, and as you said, my soul knows. But forgiveness, the very word in my mouth, causes all the pain and fear and grief to well up again.

    So I read your fine and elegantly sane and forgiving essay and relate to, and find comfort in it.

    I feel you have the answer Colin, and I send love back at you. There, in love, is the place of change and growth. People like you lead the way.

    Thank you,


  3. admin

    Dear Joyce,
    I think you have to take off the photo yourself when you reply. I don’t think I can do it from this end. I won’t approve your reply until you send it back with no photo, though having read your letter I wonder whether now is the time to stop hiding. So what if you were recognized?

  4. Holly Hill

    Dear Colin~

    Thank you for your compassionate message on the subject of abortion.
    As a woman who chose this when I was 21 and unmarried, I have learned much from
    this experience. At the time, I could never have made a life for a child; I was
    barely able to support myself. I had the inner knowing that this was the right
    choice at the time, and made peace with myself about it. Six years later, I
    married, and during the 25-year marriage, we brought two beautiful girls into
    the world. I learned so much from them about the nature of Love, and they gave
    me a deeper appreciation for the fragility and preciousness of life. Between the
    births of my two girls, I experienced a miscarriage. This was much more
    emotionally painful, as I loved this child and wanted it in my stable and loving
    family. I finally healed about that loss too, knowing that there was some
    deformity that prevented a viable body.

    I gained a deeper understanding of the spiritual nature of abortion after I had
    an awakening in 2005, and opened myself to a cosmic point of view with reading
    metaphysical writings and attending channelings.
    I have learned that in-service spirits come to the Earth plane just to be
    aborted, (and yes, life starts at the time of inception) in order to allow for
    the experience and the learning of all who are involved.
    Their spirits are not harmed, but rather are expanded through their service to
    the God Creator in this dance called life. We expand our souls with compassion
    through experience, and this is one facet of that growth. I do not judge women
    who get abortions because I have been there. This was my personal growth.

    Bless you for your healing journey!
    Holly Hill

  5. Geri Jones

    This is written beautifully Colin and I am sharing this with a group of souls who I know will appreciate this perspective, particularly one dear friend who had to make one of these extremely difficult decisions a few years ago and who has been hurting since.
    This perspective of yours is so compassionate Colin and I embrace it fully. Your teachings have been enormously helpful to me and I love your perspective about how life works and I fully agree with you about how we spend time as souls and then come to earth for human experiences.
    Thanks for all that you do.
    Love and blessings.

  6. Millicent St. Claire

    Many thanks to you Dear Teacher for always elevating the conversation to a Soul level and looking at it from a higher perspective. As one who has had an abortion, I appreciate your comments about honoring a woman’s perspective. Also the way you stay out of judgment and emphasize compassion is so wonderful. I endeavor to do that in my work as well.

    Like you, I have always felt and known that each soul has agreements and when you said, “…No, not right now” that really resonated with me. This is a very complex topic and I appreciate your very sensitive approach to it.

    On another note, I think we have lost a reverence for life and that’s reflected in the way we treat one another – from nations at war to domestic violence and problems between men and women and rape, that results in unwanted pregnacies that often end in abortion.

    I am reminded of what you say in your beautiful work – that all souls have agreements and everyone is getting lessons and we are all healing angels for one another. I think I’ll do a radical forgiveness sheet on this!

    Much Love to you and Joanne!

  7. madhurima malladeb

    this is just amazing… it is so true not just for abortion but for all areas of refusal… hats off again!

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